Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Day 28

Toughest time in my life

The fall/winter of 2007 is definitely the dubious winner. David and I had just gotten married in June, so you would think all would be smooth sailing. However. I started feeling sick in the fall, and I was diagnosed for the first time that winter, by a doctor who didn't even do a physical exam. Don't get me started.

In November, I received some shocking news; my ex-husband had passed away of Legionaire's (sp?) Disease. Our divorce hadn't started out as amicable, but we'd come a long way and were on good terms. He was remarried, and he had a six-week-old baby boy when he passed. I couldn't accept it, and sometimes I still can't. It's so surreal. I spent almost 10 years with this man, and suddenly, he was gone. I took 2-3 days off from work (David did, too, bless him) and basically just cried and screamed at God. Jamie was finally happy, and then this happened.

Six weeks later, my father had another brain aneurysm, the complications of which would eventually kill him. We weren't on the best of terms at the time, but David urged me to go to the hospital (despite my health) and visit as much as possible. I will always be grateful to him for doing that. I found the "closure" that I needed. We both expressed our love for each other, and we had some talks that made me certain he was "right with God". Which gave me incredible peace.

The last time I saw him, I visited without David. We had a good visit, even though he wasn't very lucid at the time. The last thing I said to him was, "I'll see you in a week." We were going to Curacao for Christmas. As I left his room, I could hear him saying, "A week. See you in a week," over and over. As I've mentioned before, he passed away the day we left Curacao.

David knew about it, I think my mother-in-law knew, and I don't know who else. But I didn't know, as we made our trip home. I know it was the best decision, since I would have been inconsolable on the trip back, but still. I think about that day sometimes, how I was blissfully and ignorantly happy to be returning home to see my family.

When we got home, David gave me the news. He was also the one to tell me about Jamie's death, since my mom was too upset to do it. I remember screaming, "No, no no" and falling to my knees.

Worst time ever.


Brianna said...

What a heavy post. I had no idea that you were married before David or that your ex had passed. I'm glad things have come such a long way for you in the past 4 years.

How are you feeling? Have your diet restrictions been loosened any yet? Anything new on the FMS front?

Heather said...

Yeah, I guess I'm letting some of the skeletons out of my closet:) I'm actually feeling better, and I've been able to take Audrey to a few places by myself, which is something I couldn't do before. I still have the same diet restrictions, but I'm hoping I'll get coffee, chocolate, or sugar back at my next appointment on September 15. Cross your fingers for me!

Brianna said...

That's great! My fingers and toes are crossed for you. Can't wait to hear how it goes in 3 weeks.

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