Monday, May 31, 2010


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I was all set to write about something else today. But when I woke up, the importance of this day hit me. All too often, I'm focused on other things on Memorial Day, like the fact that Matt will be off work, what we'll do, whether we'll see our families, etc. Not today.

Almost as soon as I opened my eyes, I remembered what this day should be about, to remember those who have died in the service of our nation.

Now, I'm not an advocate of war, not at all. And there is no way that I would ever be in the military, and it's not because of my age, either. We all know I'm too old and feeble and they'd never take me. But I've always been in awe of people who are willing to give up their families, their lives, their everything in order to serve our country. Because I'm far too selfish to do it, even though it's embarrassing for me to admit that.

Maybe it's because my family doesn't have a long history of military service, or any at all, as far as I know. My dad was disqualified from fighting in Vietnam (thank God) because he had flat feet and was, for all practical purposes, deaf in one ear. I guess those qualities wouldn't be too helpful on the battlefield. And I'm not sure about my grandfathers (which is something I really need to ask my mom about). I know we have some other ancestors who fought in wars way back when, of course.

My paternal grandfather was too busy pickling his insides with alcohol, but my maternal grandfather would definitely have fought if asked, I believe. In fact, when I was growing up, he was adamant about not buying anything that wasn't made in the USA. I inwardly rolled my eyes at his stubbornness back then, but now I completely understand. As he got older, it became harder and harder to find things made in our country, but he definitely still tried. I admire his loyalty.

But the people who have given up their lives for this country...I just can't fathom the unselfishness it would require to even be willing to take that risk. So to those of you whose family members sacrificed everything to protect us, I thank you. My gratitude seems paltry and insufficient, but it's heartfelt. God bless you.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Poop-Splosion 2010

All I can say We haven't had a lot of diaper blowouts. I could probably count them on one hand, and they were tame, except for one that I only heard about second-hand from Matt.

But last night. OH MY WORD. Matt and I were watching a DVR'd Glee episode when I noticed Audrey grunting. I had Matt mute the show so I could figure out what was wrong with her, because I'd never heard her make that sound before. Usually when she poops, she just gets a little red in the face and looks like she's concentrating really hard. But she was actually grunting, and I thought it was hilarious. I told Matt, "Looks like she's working on a good one for you." He grimaced and went back to eating (yes, eating, and he definitely shot me daggers with his eyes for mentioning it).

We waited a little bit to make sure everything had, ahem, vacated, and Matt took Audrey to the changing table. I decided to be a nice wife and follow them into the nursery, just in case Matt needed some help. When I touched Audrey's leg as she lay on the table, my fingers felt wet. Matt was busy getting the diaper and wipes ready, and when he started to change her, I said, "You might want to check for leaks, because my fingers are wet."

Meanwhile, I crossed the room to close the blinds so the neighborhood wouldn't be subjected to the debacle. Okay, I really did it was because it was already dark. Then for some reason, I smelled my hand. It smelled BAD. I couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly, but I knew it wasn't good. I ran over and put my hand under Matt's nose (he gagged) and told him there was definitely a leak somewhere.

He said, "Oh my gosh, it's all the way up her back." And then I looked at my fingers. And there was poop on them. Now, I've had poop on my fingers before, obviously, but this was different. It was ENCRUSTED UNDER MY FINGERNAILS.

I started gagging, and we're talking pre-vomit gagging. I guess it didn't help that I've been nauseated for over a week from my never-ending migraine. And I freaked out. I started screaming, I think, enough to scare Audrey and make her start crying.

I ran out of the room, dry-heaving, while simultaneously trying to get the poop stain out of Audrey's almost-new outfit. Yep, couldn't let the outfit be a casualty of this thing.

I can't believe I acted like such a wuss. I'm an anxious, very nervous person in general, but in really stressful situations, I sometimes become disturbingly calm. It's like I push my feelings to the side and just start giving orders, making plans, anything to get some sense of control of the situation. But not this time.

I immediately started disinfecting everything. I mean, hello! I had touched the blind cords, the laundry detergent, the Spray N' Wash, the knobs on the get the picture. I could not rest until everything was cleaned, and I felt like Lady Macbeth as she screamed, "Out, damned spot!"

Ugh. Like I said before, I blame the week-long nausea for this freak-out. Just thinking of it makes me sick, and did I mention she even had it on her shoulder? I'm off to dry-heave now.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

And that's one of the many reasons I married him

Let me start with a bold statement; if you didn't marry a man with a sense of humor, you are in for a long haul. Unless, of course, you have no sense of humor, in which case I'm not sure why you're reading this blog. You should be off doing something productive with your time, like finding a cure for diabetes or something.

Back to the sense of humor. Matt's alarm kept going off this morning, and honestly, it was driving me a little crazy. I had problems sleeping last night (shocker), and this alarm issue is just too much. The snooze button over and over and OVER again...never mind. This is in praise of my husband, so let me switch gears.

After it went off a couple of times, I touched him on the shoulder and said, "You can turn it off now. I'm awake." I had to tell him more than once, since he uses a C-Pap machine and can't hear or be heard very well.

A few minutes later, he turned over and patted me gently on the head. I was thinking, What is he doing? He must be dreaming. I said, "What?"

Then I finally understand his words, garbled by his sleep mask: "I'm hitting my snooze button."

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are. Love this man!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

It's Not a Myth, People

Okay. I had never even heard of the 4-month wakeful until I had my baby. In fact, I didn't hear about it until I started visiting the 3-6 month board on the Bump. When I jumped from 0-3 to 3-6 months, I secretly thought, These ladies are losing their minds. Four-month what? I just thought they were suffering the effects of prolonged sleep deprivation.

So, I didn't worry about it, which is extremely unlike me. I'm a worrier of the first order. But then I noticed that my wonderful, sweet-natured, sleeping-through-the-night-since-7-weeks baby had turned into someone else. This wasn't my baby.

THIS baby, she was....well, I can only say difficult, since I'm trying to be nice and she might read this one day. Suddenly, I couldn't put Audrey down for any length of time. And what I mean by that is, there were times when she lay there for maybe two whole minutes before she started screaming. I know for a fact that there was one day, a really horrible day, when she was only out of my arms for ten minutes (and I'm not talking a consecutive ten minutes, either).

I thought I was going to lose my mind. The child would. not. nap. She's never been a great napper, meaning she's never really slept more than 30-45 minutes at a time, maybe three times a day. During the wakeful, though, there were days when she only napped once. ONCE. For 30 MINUTES. She also started waking up during the night.

I went on the message boards, begging for advice from the very people whom I thought were a little nuts just a short time before. And really, the ladies were very sympathetic. They'd been there and knew exactly what I was dealing with, but they didn't have much advice. Some light-heartedly told me to drink extra coffee, eat more ice cream, etc. to survive.

Needless to say, I didn't find much amusing about it at all. All those people who told me that Matt and I would have a calm baby, relaxed and chilled-out? Yeah, I could've clawed their eyes out.

With lots of awake time, I also had some time (with Audrey in my lap, of course), to read about what goes on in a baby's brain during the 4th month. And I learned that it is a HUGE month for cognitive development, which is one reason some babies just don't like to sleep. Their minds are going 500 miles a minute, and they don't want to miss any of it.

Well, Audrey didn't miss any of it. And when she finally started to sleep again, I noticed some amazing things. One day, she rolled over. The very next day, she giggled for the first time. Her development was so rapid that Matt called from work that week and said, "How are you guys doing? Did Audrey crawl today?"

So now, I have the baby that I brought home from the hospital. Thank God, since we would not have survived my recent convalescence with that OTHER baby.

Now I'm one of those ladies on the message boards who sympathize and tell other mothers it will pass. In fact--dare I say this--Audrey took so many naps yesterday that I lost count. She's asleep right now. All is right with our world again.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Domino Effect

My life since May 13 has kind of been a blur. Here's a short recap:

1)Thursday, May 13: fell and hit head on the floor (see previous posts for details); diagnosed with viral sinus infection by allergist,

2) Friday, May 14: Went to the ER that night because of some disturbing symptoms; diagnosed with concussion and sinus infection,

3) Wednesday, May 19: Migraine started, mild at first,

4)Friday, May 21: Migraine from Hades (complete with aura), accompanied by mucho vomiting, which led to slight dehydration,

5) Since Friday: Multiple migraines, or the same one just coming and going.

This has been a nightmare! Seriously. I have faithfully followed the BRAT diet since Friday, until yesterday. I tried some crab cakes and mashed potatoes, which seemed pretty mild. Wrong! I got sick again.

Today, I'm fighting a migraine once again. This. has. to. stop. I have a 5 1/2 month-old to take care of, for Pete's sake. This is getting old.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I think I just wrote a children's book...

Yeah, I know. Weird. I've wanted to write one for a long time, ever since my nieces were born. After reading some of their books, I thought, I can do that. And I actually tried writing one about Beth, but I never finished it. I think I have the rough draft of it around here somewhere. It just never quite came together.

But this morning, I had a fabulous idea. It came to me after walking through the yard with Matt and Audrey yesterday. I'm not going to tell you the subject because you'll just steal it; I know you people;)

Here's a hint:

Intrigued? I would be. It's still a rough draft and not finished, but I'm excited. I could have it bound and printed for Audrey. It's something I could leave behind, you know? Which has suddenly become very important for me, to leave something, a legacy of some kind.

Well, the babe needs to be soothed to sleep, so gotta go. More on the book later, I promise.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I may have to hurt somebody

I am so. freaking. tired. I look like hell. Seriously, I just looked in the mirror and the dark, puffy bags under my eyes are scary.

But who cares about that when I feel so bad? I feel like I'm never going to get rid of this sickness, this...I don't know what to call it. Let's see. It started as a cold (thanks again, Audrey) and then turned into a viral infection, according to my allergist. They did a nasal swab, which is very accurate and, it turns out, all kinds of fun. Right. Feels like they're trying to get some brain tissue when they stick that torture swab up my delicate nostrils.

So, fast forward to Friday night in the ER where, in addition to the concussion, the nurse tells me I have a sinus infection. Okay. They give me an antibiotic, but it happens to have something in it that I can't take. I figured it didn't matter anyway, since the doc just told me the day before that it was viral. And as anyone with a basic understanding of medications knows, antibiotics are not effective for viral infections. Seeing that I was allergic to the antibiotic AND thought it was viral, I decided not to take it, since I know a lot more about those things than the medical professionals (if you caught the sarcasm, you're more awake than I am.)

Then yesterday, the nurse at the allergist's office tells me it sounds like I have a bacterial infection. But wasn't I diagnosed with a virus? Yes, she assures me that I was. It had mutated from viral to bacterial in about 2.5 seconds. I know it can happen; I mean, I watch House. I know the basics. But good grief! I've been suffering since who knows when with this, when I could've started an antibiotic this weekend? Grrrrrrrrrr.

Enough of the complaining. I need to focus on the positives, like:

1) I finally got an antibiotic last night and can feel it working with one dose:),
2) I've gotten about 2 hours of sleep since around 9 last night, and
3) we'll be going to the beach very soon.

Okay, I guess I better cross out #2.

But I cannot wait for the beach. It will be interesting to see how we get all of Audrey's gear and clothing packed in our vehicle, not to mention the 3 bodies (4 on the way back). Guess I'll just take two outfits for myself and wash them every day, don't you think? I can roll up one bikini and stow it in my purse. Matt can take one outfit and use the shorts for swimming. This is Audrey's first vacation, and it doesn't matter how Mommy or Daddy looks. But she will look adorable and have a great time. Even if it kills us.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

So proud!

Watched my niece compete last night in a district-wide math competition, and I am so flipping happy for her. She's a genius, of course (no bias here). Oh, you don't know her yet, that's right. Well, get acquainted, since she'll be mentioned A LOT.

Beth is nine years old and I love her to pieces. I'm especially proud of her competing because I was always so horrible at math. And I totally blame most of my previous math teachers (you know who you are).

She was soooo nervous and it affected her performance, but she was wonderful. Hey, public speaking is the #1 fear, right? Even before death? Yeah, I get it.

You go, girl!

Monday, May 17, 2010

You have GOT to be kidding me

Okay. There's a possibility that I'm pregnant. I felt my heart move in my chest when I wrote that. I'm always horrified when others get pregnant while they have little ones. I'm not saying they shouldn't, but I don't think that I can do it. Ever. Audrey is supposed to be an only child, that was the plan because of my health.

Wow. Guess I'm going to have to get blood work done at the OB since it's still so early. It wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't on so many meds that could harm a fetus, but I am. Oh, and did I mention I suffered a slight concussion last Thursday? that I think about it, I did.

Holy Mother of Everything. I am shaking like a leaf, but I've been doing that as a result of the concussion anyway. Just called my psychiatrist to see what to do about meds JUST IN CASE. I'll have to wait at least 24 hrs. for a call back.

Yikes. ::Breathe, Emily, breathe::

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Emily, Emily had a great fall, Emily, Emily could not get up at all

Yep, I went to the ER last night. Didn't think I'd be back in a hospital so soon. In fact, I've NEVER been to the ER, only with other people (think college, y'all).

On Thusrday, I was sitting on our glider's ottoman, facing Matt, who was sitting there with Audrey. She said her first word, with purpose and meaning (have to devote an entire post to that later). I got excited, leaned forward on the moving ottoman, and accidentally rocked over our dog's tail. I wasn't even aware he had managed to cram his body in between the glider and ottoman, so I was surprised and taken aback. On instinct, I leaned backward.

I felt myself fall, hitting first on my right hip. Then I just let my body go, like a drunk in a car crash. That's why the drunk usually survives, right? Because he/she doesn't stiffen up. I can't believe that played through my mind during that short a time.

To make a very long story short, I ended up going to the ER, had a CT scan, and was assured there no bleeding. Thank God. It's likely that I have a concussion, which really sucks. I'll have to explain the details later when I'm more "with it".

What a freaking week this has been.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Oh. my. word. I feel like a poop popsicle, like $hit on a stick. I'm trying to clean up my language, written or otherwise, because of the babe. I know, she can't read, but this is bound to surface at some time or other. "The truth will out" and "In vino veritas"; yes, I like my wine. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

I'm sitting under an electric blanket, wearing pajama pants, long-sleeved T-shirt, and a robe. And heavy socks. Oh, and did I mention that it's at least 76 degrees in the house?

I think I have a sinus infection, and I dread waking up my husband in a few minutes to tell him because he might have to take the day off. Sinus infections sound so blase', so benign. But they are not! There's a reason that the doctor's office will fit you in that day if you think you have one. It can burst and infect your brain with green pus and you'll die. Okay, now that I think about it, that last sentence is bullcrap. But still. They really can abscess into your brain, and I should know, because I'm a hypochondriac of the highest order. Give me a computer, access to WebMD, and some symptoms, and I'm a happy camper.

I'm usually not such a wuss about these things, but dang. Audrey started out with a cold last Wednesday, I got it Thursday, and we both have wicked coughs. Matt had prom duties and I had to actually get my mom over here to take care of us on Saturday. And I am not a person who likes to ask for help. Little Miss Independent, indeed.

As per usual, I think my cold has made the ugly metamorphosis into a sinus infection. My head is killing me. I hate taking antibiotics, so this especially sucks, but my biggest problem is childcare for today. I don't want to expose Audrey to more germs, and I honestly don't think I can take care of her alone today. The dizziness, the stumbling...I better stop or Child Protective Services will pay me a visit today.

I think Matt has a meeting after school that he can't miss, related to school, but for his part-time business. Which means he couldn't miss a day of school and then show up for this meeting. Dammit.

I could ask Mom to come over again, but I feel guilty. She spent all day Saturday here, and she'd have to take a day off work, and she just had a tooth removed. I could ask The Mother-in-Law, but that would be hard because my house is a freaking WRECK. I would be so embarrassed for her to see it, truly.

Guess I better go in there and bite the bullet. Matt has to let school know by 6 if he can't be there. Please let me be mistaken about the date of this meeting.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

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May 7, 2010

Dear Audrey,

It is the Friday before Mother’s Day, which falls on May 9 this year. A day that I never thought I would share with a child of my own…yet here you are. And I couldn’t be happier about it.

I never thought I could love someone more than my own mom, and of course, Daddy—but I love you every bit as much, if not more. I would sacrifice anything for you, even give up my life if I had to (as dramatic as that sounds). I never understood that concept before, but you have taught me the meaning of true, selfless love.

I can’t believe that you’re five months old now. Most of the best days of my life have been between December 5, 2009, the day you were born, and today, all because of you.

You’ve learned to do so much in such a short time; it’s truly amazing. Just a few weeks ago, you laughed out loud. We were playing Pat-a-Cake, and you giggled at the end. What a truly wonderful, unexpected sound! Since then, Daddy and I have been doing whatever we can to try and make you laugh, but you’ve only done it a few times since then. But when you laugh and smile, we can see your beautiful dimples.

You also learned to roll over onto your tummy, and then back again. You used to HATE tummy time, but now you’re enjoying pushing yourself up and seeing what’s around you. We’re so proud of you.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mother. I pray that I will be the best one you could ever have.


Monday, May 10, 2010


Okay. It's after 5 in the morning, and I've only slept about 2 1/2 hours. And I haven't had much sleep in the past couple of nights, either, since Audrey and I have both been sick.

I think cold medicine interacts with some of my other meds and makes me hyper, spastic, and a bit manic, unable to sleep. Last night, I was talking to Matt about going out today and buying two new recliners, or two Blackberries, as presents for each other (wedding anniversary). Even though the anniversary isn't until June 30. This from the woman who almost had to physically restrain her husband from giving her the Mother's Day gift he got her, until the actual day.

Sometimes I like surprises, but sometimes I like buying bigger items in advance of a holiday, since I'm not much of a spender and don't normally make big purchases. It takes a lot for me to part with my precious money. I'm a spendthrift, a saver, even more so since I've become a stay-at-home-mom (to which I will now be referring as SAHM, since the other is too long to type).

Anyway, we got married on June 30, which also happens to be Matt's birthday. We didn't plan it that way; it just happened that the date was the only one left that summer, and we really wanted to have it at that specific place. Which is fine, since he'll never forget the date, right? But now, since little Love Bug is here, I also have to spring for a Father's Day gift? Craptastic. Three major holidays in one month.

Which reminds me of what I got for Mother's Day. I know you were all waiting with bated breath (do I have even one reader? besides my husband?)

Matt bought me a digital photo frame, and I was totally surprised. He's usually not so good at keeping secrets, and I normally figure out what my gifts are from the hints he gives me in advance. But not this time. I'm thrilled! I loved taking pictures even before Audrey was born, so now I'm going to go nuts. It even has a remote, so you can select a certain picture to look at from across the room! It rocks.

Matt is awesome, and I don't deserve him. But I think I deserve the frame, right? I mean....20 hours of labor, 2 1/2 hours of pushing, and finally a C-section to give him Daddy's little girl? Yeah, I think so.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Very curious!

It's my first Mother's Day. Yay me! Matt and Audrey are still asleep in bed, although I think the babe might be stirring. Matt's been trying to give me my gift for the last week, ever since it was delivered to the house. I'll have to update later and tell you if I like it or not;)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

First Mother's Day

I sit here alone on the eve of my first Mother's Day. Ho hum. Audrey caught a cold last week and lovingly passed it on to me. The combination of this virus and my fibromyalgia have caused sparks in the form of muscle pain, congestion, dizziness, and"balloon head", which is exactly what it sounds like. As if my head is filled with helium and is floating haphazardly somewhere above my body.

Image and video hosting by TinyPicAnd Matt is gone. He, alas, is in charge of coordinating the prom at the high school where he works. Which means tonight is the night when dozens of girls will be cramming their tanning bed-baked half-starved bodies into dresses that I'd be ashamed to wear in front of my husband in the privacy of our bedroom. That magical night when boys who are virgins aspire to lose that embarrassing title. And a night, I hope, where everyone is careful and doesn't drink and drive. (Yes, I think about those things even more after having a baby).

As depressing as it sounds, I'm fine. I'm good, at least emotionally. I'm so thankful that I'll be honored this Mother's Day. And it's all because of my baby, my little angel, my reason for living. Of course, she looks nothing like the picture above, having been born in December. I'll write out my birth story later after reliving the experience with Matt ::shudder::, since many of the details are fuzzy (no, ma'am, I did not have a natural childbirth experience, no hypno-birthing here).

So here's to me! I may be going to bed alone tonight, but my little love bug will be snuggled into her co-sleeper right next to me. Happy Mother's Day to all!