Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Fun in the Sun

So I finally bought a water table for Audrey. I'd been wanting to get one for her for a while now, but I'm definitely the frugal type (a serious understatement). I argued back and forth with myself, thinking that she really didn't need it, that she had plenty of toys, yada yada.

But a couple of weeks ago, it started to get a little cooler. By which I mean, you didn't feel like you were smothering the moment you stepped out the door, anytime of the day, from the humidity. It was actually pleasant in the shade, only in the morning, though. We started spending more time outside after David went back to work. We've always gone around the yard, even when she was about 6 months old, looking at everything. I love being outside, and so does she.

I finally decided that it was worth it. After all, she can use it for a couple more months and definitely next year. And she loved it! She even played with it inside without water. I'm glad we got it, since it brings a smile to my little girl's face.

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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Day 30

Whew! I'm glad this blog challenge is over. I didn't even do the whole thing, and it wore me out. Here we go...

This is what I am changing TODAY to make my life better.

Since I'm feeling a little better, I've vowed to get out of the house with Audrey and attend Mom's Club events. I've only been able to do a couple of things, last year, so I'm really excited about it.

This morning, Audrey had her first Play Doh play date! She had a great time, even though it took her a little while to warm up. Lots of kids were there, probably 10-12, which is a lot for a person's house. Here she is, consumed with the Play Doh.

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She was actually more interested in the molds than the actual Play Doh, but that's okay. She likes to take things out of a container one by one, and then put them back. So that's what she did!

The moms were all very nice, and I felt totally at ease. I'd only met one of them before, but I didn't realize it until I left; I just knew she looked familiar. I was determined not to be nervous and not to talk too much, which is what I tend to do when I'm nervous. I was successful!

Audrey behaved well, even when a little girl came and got her cup of Goldfish crackers and said, "Mine!" Later, I saw the little girl feeding her the crackers by hand. SO adorable.

Only stressful things: there was a deep step between the kitchen and den area, and she fell down near the end. She cried a little, but one of the other moms swooped her up before I could even get there. That was awesome.

Then, I didn't pick up on her tired cues because she was so busy playing. When I picked her up to go, she hit me in the face a couple of times. Lovely. Then, she refused to get in the Jeep. I finally persuaded her with the promise of a banana when we got home.

She fell asleep on the way home, and I put her down for a nap about an hour ago. I can still hear her stirring, though, so she may be too wound up to nap.

Overall, it was a huge success. I'm hurting, of course, but it's not too bad. I have a massage this afternoon, so I'm really grateful for that.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Day 29

Easiest time in my life

Oh, there are a few of those. College is definitely on the list. How could I possible live in one of the most beautiful cities ever and not feel like one of the luckiest people on earth? Charleston was absolutely amazing. See for yourself.

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And that's just part of the campus, not even taking into account the beaches, the historic district, the Battery, etc., etc.

But I'm not choosing college; I think the easiest time of my life was right after Audrey was born. Obviously, I was very upset about my grandpa passing away the night before she came, but since I couldn't attend the funeral or anything (still in the hospital with an emergency C-section), it almost seemed like it didn't happen. So, I didn't really grieve until several weeks later.

But the days following Audrey's birth...there was something magical about them. We brought her home on December 8, my brother's birthday. Sometimes it's fairly warm here around that time, but that day, there was freezing rain. I was so scared we were going to have a wreck on the way home.

My family came over that night to celebrate Owen's birthday (it sounds crazy in retrospect), but everyone treated me like a fragile piece of glass. I had my new beautiful daughter, and my wonderful husband, and in addition to that, I had the support of my family. My mom stayed over for a few nights, since we didn't know what to do with the baby, having not received a manual at the hospital:) This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of them.

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Our house was fully decorated for Christmas; it was a sensational experience. The sights, the smells, the magic of Christmas and a new life were in the air. David got to stay home with us for several weeks, thank goodness, which definitely made this the easiest part of my life. I was surrounded by friends and family, and I truly felt loved and treasured. I'll never forget the euphoric feeling that lasted for weeks on end.

A picture is truly worth a thousand words

This pic perfectly describes Audrey's attitude the past couple of days.

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What else can I say?

Day 28

Toughest time in my life

The fall/winter of 2007 is definitely the dubious winner. David and I had just gotten married in June, so you would think all would be smooth sailing. However. I started feeling sick in the fall, and I was diagnosed for the first time that winter, by a doctor who didn't even do a physical exam. Don't get me started.

In November, I received some shocking news; my ex-husband had passed away of Legionaire's (sp?) Disease. Our divorce hadn't started out as amicable, but we'd come a long way and were on good terms. He was remarried, and he had a six-week-old baby boy when he passed. I couldn't accept it, and sometimes I still can't. It's so surreal. I spent almost 10 years with this man, and suddenly, he was gone. I took 2-3 days off from work (David did, too, bless him) and basically just cried and screamed at God. Jamie was finally happy, and then this happened.

Six weeks later, my father had another brain aneurysm, the complications of which would eventually kill him. We weren't on the best of terms at the time, but David urged me to go to the hospital (despite my health) and visit as much as possible. I will always be grateful to him for doing that. I found the "closure" that I needed. We both expressed our love for each other, and we had some talks that made me certain he was "right with God". Which gave me incredible peace.

The last time I saw him, I visited without David. We had a good visit, even though he wasn't very lucid at the time. The last thing I said to him was, "I'll see you in a week." We were going to Curacao for Christmas. As I left his room, I could hear him saying, "A week. See you in a week," over and over. As I've mentioned before, he passed away the day we left Curacao.

David knew about it, I think my mother-in-law knew, and I don't know who else. But I didn't know, as we made our trip home. I know it was the best decision, since I would have been inconsolable on the trip back, but still. I think about that day sometimes, how I was blissfully and ignorantly happy to be returning home to see my family.

When we got home, David gave me the news. He was also the one to tell me about Jamie's death, since my mom was too upset to do it. I remember screaming, "No, no no" and falling to my knees.

Worst time ever.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Day 27

If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you remain friends?

We probably wouldn't even get to know each other, to tell the truth. I'd tell the Other Heather to take a hike. I'm very, very hard on myself. Of course, I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be.

Before the fibro, I was ridiculous. Everything had to be absolutely perfect. And obviously, that attitude was not conducive to teaching. Nothing is EVER perfect, most especially in teaching. The most well-planned lesson can turn on you in the blink of an eye.

At home, I was OCD to the nth degree. If someone was coming over to the house, everything had to be cleaned. Nothing could be out of place, and if it was, I was extremely uncomfortable.

After fibro, I had to stop. I couldn't clean at all anymore, much less in the painstaking detail that I used to do. And in my worst times, David had to do everything from cleaning the entire house, to cooking, to doing my laundry...even choosing my outfits.

So comparatively, I'm a lot less hard on myself. But I'd still kick Other Heather to the curb:)

Day 26

I am the way I am because ______ happened.

It's awkward phrasing, but I have to say I am who I am because of God. I could say my parents' divorce, issues with my dad, various physical and mental problems...but God has certainly molded me by using these things.

I've been an on-and-off churchgoer since high school, mostly off. I've loved God, thanked him, screamed at him, and denied him. But he's always been here for me, supporting me and carrying me all the way.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Day 25

What can you not live without?

Aside from the obvious, my family, there are three things I couldn't live without right now.

1. Backrests--I have two, one for the car and one for home. This last one is self-inflatable, so I can take it wherever I want. I just roll it up, put it under my arm, and go. Lower back pain has been one of the worst and most lingering parts of this fibro.

2. My massage therapist--She is unbelievably kind and helpful; she's one of the people who pointed me in the direction of Dr. P. She's given me dozens of free massages, advice on nutrition and self-care, and even therapy sessions:) She is a truly good person.

3. My chiropractor--Personality-wise, I could take him or leave him, but he's the only one who's ever been able to truly give me relief from my back pain, if only for a little while. It's not that I don't like him, but he's very young and cocky; when I first called to set up an appointment last year, I asked if he'd had any success treating patients with fibro. He said, "Yeah, I had a lady who could barely get out of bed, and after two sessions, she was up and cleaning the whole house." Yeah, right. I knew that kind of outlandish promise wasn't true, but like I said, he does help.

I guess I could also throw in our most comfortable bed in the world, with the pillow-top mattress. Heavenly.

Oh, and did I mention the dishwasher?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Day 24

Most embarrassing moment

I was teaching middle school, and we had "intramural time" every week. I loved playing softball, so I happily joined my group and played with them. They got very excited when the teachers also played.

I hit one out of the park. Or rather, the perimeter of the parking lot. I started running as fast as I could. I wanted to get a home run in front of these kids, bad. Of course, I was wearing dress shoes, which don't exactly have the traction a girl needs when she's running on damp asphalt.

I headed to third base and realized I wasn't going to make it to home plate. And then, I took an incredible fall. And I swear, every person in that parking lot, where several games were taking place, looked at me. I was absolutely mortified.

I mainly fell on my elbow, and my first concern was my leather jacket. If I ripped a hole in my favorite jacket, I was going to be ticked.

I jumped right up, acting like I didn't hurt myself. Several teachers and students came to my aid, but I shrugged them off. It wasn't until I got to the safely of my classroom that I checked my jacket. It was intact, thank goodness.

Actually, the incident didn't turn out to be that bad for my rep. Did I just type that? The kids were totally impressed that I was trying so hard, so it turned out well for me. But inside, I was dying. Let's just say that the next time we played, I didn't put forth as much effort. Can you blame me?

Day 23

Which small act of kindness was bestowed on you that you will never forget?

I was driving from Charleston back home when I was a sophomore, driving a Nissan 200sx. I thought I was the bomb diggety; this car was definitely an upgrade from my '79 Datsun.

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See, not too bad. Mine was royal blue, though. Much better than what I started with in high school.

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I can't believe I found a pic of one the EXACT same color as mine was. Anyway, I digress.

I stopped to get gas and check my oil and, unbeknownst to me, didn't slam the hood all the way down. It was a very heavy hood. I got back on the interstate, and my hood light came on.

I pulled over on the side of the interstate (stupid), and I got out and fixed it. The car was still running and, lo and behold, I had locked myself out of the car. Brilliant.

This was before cell phones; I actually had a CB radio in my car. Yeah. Pretty soon, a huge Bilo truck stopped behind me. All I could wonder is, where will this guy dump my body parts after he hacks me up?

But the guy was incredibly nice. He had a hanger in the back of his truck, and he got the door open for me. It took a while, and I was maintaining a healthy distance from him the whole time, and he noticed I was cold. I was dressed for Charleston weather. He offered me his jacket, and although I didn't want to get close enough to take it, I did.

After I realized he wasn't going to kill me, I thanked him profusely. I'll never forget what he said; he told me he had a daughter, and he would want someone to do the same for her.

I always meant to write a letter to Bilo, thanking the man, but somehow, I never did. I wish I could thank him now.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Day 22

What article have you read recently that inspired you?

In Washington state, a boy was technically dead for twenty minutes after drowning in the ocean. A girl around his age (teenager) tried to save him, while the other kids in his youth group stayed on the beach and prayed.

I was amazed that the boy lived and is cognizant. I haven't heard anything to the contrary since I first read it, so I assume he's fully functioning. That is unbelievable. Drowned for 20 minutes and no brain damage? That's a miracle. And the fact that another teen selflessly risked her own life to save his? Another miracle.

It's nice to read something uplifting in the news for once.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Day 21

Random fact about yourself

I have a Masters degree in Elementary Education, even though I never considered teaching elementary school.

How did this happen? Well, I started my Masters in guidance counseling, but the program was over 60 credit hours, as opposed to a "normal" Masters of 30 something hours. I really wanted to be a guidance counselor, but I honestly didn't want to stack more student loans on myself. As it is, I'll probably be paying them off until I'm 90!

I though about getting a Masters in English, since I was only interested in teaching the higher grades. All those classes, however, took place during the day when I was...hello!...working.

I met a guy in one of my classes who talked me into Elementary Ed. We started talking about all the classes I had, and it turned out that I wouldn't have that many more to fulfill the requirements.

It didn't matter to me; I just wanted the Masters for the pay raise. But now I wonder if I'd enjoy teaching elementary school, maybe fourth or fifth grade. I mean, my dream job is staying home with Audrey, but if I got better and absolutely HAD to work (ugh), I think I might like it. At least the kids wouldn't be as bitter and rude as they can be in high school. But no. I can't take all that red tape, ridiculous legislation, and oppressive demands from administration. No thanks.

I didn't think I'd enjoy working with little kids, but I've always adored being around my nieces, and of course I treasure every moment spent with Audrey. Who would have guessed it?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Day 20

Favorite spot for date night in your town

Downtown is definitely the hot spot for dating in our town. Main Street is lined with quaint buildings and lush trees decorated with tiny white lights. It’s almost as if you’re in another century, except for the occasional pizza place or taco joint. Most of the buildings are old and have been renovated, and it's very pedestrian-friendly. We even have horse-drawn carriage rides, and I've heard rumors of indoor mini golf, too.

All the high-end restaurants are downtown, there's a gorgeous park with a waterfall and lots of places to bike and walk. Basically, you can find just about anything you want to do there, except for watching a movie. We even have a baseball team downtown. On any given weekend night, the downtown area is packed. If I felt like it, I'd take an entire day and walk around, just exploring.

We rarely go downtown, except for our big date a couple of months ago. We just rarely have date nights, even though our parents would be glad to keep Audrey. I guess we just like to spend our time together as a family, especially when David's in school and not seeing Audrey as much. I know we need to prioritize our dates, though, since it's so important to have time alone. We just hate leaving our little baby girl!

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Friday, August 12, 2011

Day 19

Worst job I ever had

I feel disloyal even writing this, but I have to say that my worst job was at my uncle's peach shed. No, I didn't have to pick peaches, thank goodness, but I was only one step above that.

I worked there in the summers from the time I was thirteen through my freshman year of college, except for one rogue year. I think I worked at a dry cleaner's that year.

Basically, we sold peaches, which sounds like a piece of cake. But it was an open-air building, and it was so incredibly hot. Summers here can be torturous, and we had to work out in it, no fans, nothing like that.

The place was unbelievably busy; it's practically legendary around here. It's been open since my uncle's dad started it, and my uncle's now in his late 60s, so you get the idea.

We had to haul around heavy baskets of peaches, and when the customers bought some, we had to transfer them to paper bags (unless they wanted to buy the baskets, too). The peach fuzz would get on my arms and legs and it would itch like the devil.

It wasn't totally awful, though. When my uncle wasn't around and we were bored, we'd throw peaches in the road and watch cars run over them. And we had all the peaches we could eat! Plus, I worked with most of my friends, so they were partners in my misery.

I felt an obligation to work there because it was family, and even though I had part-time jobs during the year from the time I could drive, I always came back to the peach shed in the summers. That job was the most physically taxing one I ever had.

Do I eat peaches now? I really don't, but it's not because I'm on strike. I always loved them just the way they came, fuzz and all. That's how my uncle taught me. When I see them in the grocery store, I think, I can't buy these. It's not loyal. Even though my uncle's sold his peach fields, I still think that. Plus, no one's peaches were better than his. I'd be perfectly happy to eat them in a dish, like peach cobbler, for example. Hmmmm. I wish I hadn't starting writing about this, since the motivation for my detox diet has been running low today.

I guess I'll go eat some cherries:(

And the time has come

Audrey climbed out of her crib on Tuesday. The same day that David went back to work. Coincidence? I think not.

Tuesday was a rough day all-around. She cried off and on all day, constantly asking where her daddy was. That afternoon, she told me she was a "tired baby" and so I laid her down for a nap. She'd already had one earlier, so I wasn't sure about it, but the child told me she was tired!

I lay down on the couch to watch a DVR'd episode of White Collar. I was also listening to her babble and cry on the monitor. All of a sudden, it got quiet. That should have been my first clue. Then the babbling started again, and it seemed to be getting louder. I looked toward her room, and what did I see? Audrey opening the door.

I just looked at her in disbelief. My mind was spinning. Did I forget to put her in the crib? I mean, I know I have fibrofog, but did I really miss such an important step?

Nope. She climbed out with the aid, I believe, of her bumpers (not breathable). We never used them when she was an infant, but they came as part of a bedding set. We recently put them on the crib, however, because she kept getting her legs and knees stuck in the slats.

David took out the bumpers when he got home. Now, we have cushions from our big chair in the living room laid out around her crib, for fear that she climbs out again. I can't believe she did it without hurting herself the first time.

But we NEED those cushions, because the seating in our den is quite limited. Plus, I guess the time has come to transition her crib into a toddler bed, although my heart just sank as I wrote that. She hasn't climbed out since, but she can easily take her leg and put it over the top crib railing. What else are we to do?

Oh, Audrey. Seriously, you're growing up too fast.

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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Day 18

Today I am wearing...

a Clemson football t-shirt and my holey jeans. This is part of the front

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and this is the same leg in the back

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For some reason, the right leg has fared better than the left. Unfortunately, I can no longer wear them in public because my underwear shows through.

I love my jeans. They're Tommy Hilfiger, and they've been washed so many times that they're as soft as a baby's bum bum (that's what we call it in our house).

I would fight someone over these jeans. For realz.

Who loves cherries?

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I do! I do!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Day 17

Funny travel story

I think it was the year we got married, in 2007. David's parents had been going out of town for Christmas for a while, and they decided they were going to Curacao. Never heard of it? Nor had I. It's not a very well-known place, except maybe to divers (David's parents and brother all dive). If you'll look at the bottom left of this map, to the right of Aruba, there's Curacao.

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Hard to see, I know. I think the width of the island was 21 miles, and we were staying on the west end, at a place called Habitat.

I didn't want to be away from my family for Christmas. But David and I had just gotten married, and I figured we'd be doing every other Christmas away, since his parents liked to travel over the holidays.

It was the worst vacation of my life, for many reasons, ones I don't have the energy to write about now. And hey, this is supposed to be a funny travel story!

We landed at the airport, and it was very hot. I decided to get an oversize bottle of water and down it in just a few minutes. Bad idea.

Why? Because we got lost. David's dad had rented a car, and even though that island was tiny, we couldn't find the place to save our lives. It didn't help that there weren't even any road signs. I kid you not!

Well, that water hit my bladder and things got very uncomfortable, especially since we were on some unpaved, rocky roads. I whispered to David that I needed to go to the bathroom. He was sympathetic, but what could he do? It's not like there were gas stations and fast food restaurants on every corner, or even on ANY corner.

We did stop at one place, a single-wide trailer that seemed to be Curacao's version of a convenience store. I walked inside and immediately walked back out. The place was filthy, and there were no bathrooms to be seen.

After riding for a few more minutes, I made my condition known to all in the car. They couldn't do much about it, either. Finally, things got desperate; I was very close to urinating all over myself. Classy. So, David and I got out of the car (with him being my "shield" of sorts) and I went behind the bushes. Which were very sparse, by the way.

I was humiliated. It wouldn't be such a big deal now, but it was our first trip with his parents as a married couple. I shouldn't have had to pee in some scrub brush on a godforsaken island. That's not how most people picture the Caribbean, am I right?

After we climbed back in the car, David's dad found Habitat in less than ten minutes. Yes, you read that correctly. My advice? If you're going to Curacao, keep the lack of bathroom facilities in mind. Actually, if you're going to Curacao, I would suggest you cancel those plans. Like yesterday.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Three weeks ago, I decided to go to a doctor about my fibro. Of course, I've been to many doctors, but this one is not an MD. I'm so very sick of the doctors who "treat" my fibro. My current one walks in, pushes my pressure points, says, "You're really hurting, huh?" Then she writes a prescription.

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But Dr. P is different; she has a doctorate in microbiology. She's extremely expensive and isn't covered by insurance, but I'm desperate here.

She's a holistic doctor, and she tries to get to the cause of your illness, not just treat the symptoms. So, I'm in the middle of a detox phase, which will last a couple of months.

Dr. P checked my food sensitivities, and I'm now on a restricted diet. I can't have chocolate, coffee, sugar, and wheat. But I am so determined to get better that I'd probably do anything at this point.

She found candida albicans and fungus in my blood. We looked at my blood, and she showed me my red blood cells. They're supposed to be dancing around, but mine were all clumped up and barely moving. I could even see how the fungus was killing my white blood cells (not a pretty sight). I'm anemic, dehydrated, and I have plaque building in my arteries. My blood vessels are thinning, which scared me, since my dad had several brain aneurysms, and my grandmother had several strokes.

There were also things that looked like shards of glass. I can't remember what she said they were (it was a three-hour appointment, and my brain was spinning with all the information). Anyway, Dr. P said those shards of glass are digging into my muscles, which is what causes my pain.

It was very interesting to see what's going on in my blood. And now I'm taking tons of pills every day, like digestive enzymes, and I'm drinking "cocktails" of homeopathic liquids. It requires a lot of discipline. But dare I say it...I'm feeling better. I don't want to jinx it, but there it is.

After this initial phase of detox, Dr. P will work on building my immune system back up, which will mean more pills, and more money. But hey, I might get some of my food back!

Another interesting tidbit is that my neurological functioning is only at 60%, while the average person is performing at 80%. Maybe that explains my fibrofog. Who knows? I'm definitely feeling more clear-headed.

I'm hesitantly hopeful and very glad I finally went to see her. I'm in Stage 3 fibro, which is one step above Stage 4, which basically means you're bedridden. And that CANNOT happen to me.

Day 16

Cash, Debit, or Credit? What’s your financial status?

I always use my debit card, with one exception. My in-laws give me money every month for therapeutic massages (very sweet) and they give me cash.

My financial status? Well, that's personal and intrusive! I'm currently on disability, so we're doing okay. We rarely eat out, but it's not like we're suffering. I do kind of miss the old days when we were both teaching, since we didn't have to think about money that much. That doesn't mean I want to go back to work, though. I think I'm done with teaching.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Last day of summer vacation...

My two favorite people in the world.

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Day 15

What's your addiction?

Normally, I'd say something food-related, but since I'm on a restricted diet (more details later), I don't want to think about food.

My addiction is comforters. If I had the money to waste, I'd have a different comforter for each season. Beautiful, deep colors for fall and winter, fresh, bright prints for spring and summer. Ah...just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

But seriously. I have been banned (by both David and myself, in an effort at self-control) from the comforter sections of any store. Which is hard, since Target has fabulous bedding and we're there every week. I have to walk right past them because they're near the baby. I had a weak moment on Saturday when I ventured over there, seeing if they still had the purple-flowered comforter I've been eying. (They did).

Right after Audrey was born, David gave me a beautiful, deep burgundy comforter with off-white trim and ornate stitching. It was dry clean only. Yeah, probably not the best idea when our newborn just came home five days before my birthday.

I absolutely loved it. It's on House; Cuddy has the same bedding. But of course you wouldn't know that, since you're not an addict like me. I've seen several of my comforters on TV and in movies over the years, which is my only claim to fame.

So where's this comforter now? In a bin somewhere, since it's way too thick for David, whose body temperature probably hovers around 100 degrees.

For now, I have a quilt on the bed that I really like. See for yourself:

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I've had it for 10, maybe 15 years. But we have no coordinating sheets, shams, or throw pillows.

::Sigh:: What I'd give to go to Bed Bath and Beyond and immerse myself in the bedding section. Those beautiful beds on display, with their perfectly coordinated accents...pure heaven.

I know. I have a problem.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Day 14 of blog challenge

Thoughts on body image

I really don't want to write about this, but I guess that's why they call it a challenge. Here we go.

I've been blessed with a high metabolism for most of my life. In high school, all I ate was junk food. Recently, one of my good friends reminded me that I used to eat a whole can of Pringles every afternoon after school. Thanks, Jen!

So I didn't have to worry about my weight. I never even gained the dreaded "Freshman 15" because in Charleston, everyone bikes. I was in awesome shape back then.

But something happened, probably when I started weighing over 105 (which is absolutely ridiculous, I know), and I went nuts. It was during the fat-free craze, and I checked the fat on everything. I wouldn't get anything out of a vending machine because I couldn't see the fat content.

Then I got really sick when I was teaching. I'm not sure how much I gained, but it was probably just a little less than when I was pregnant. I was horrified.

When I got pregnant, I was determined not to gain a lot of weight. But I ended up gaining about 42 lbs. At every appointment, I was scared they were going to mention my weight and put me on a diet. Thank God they didn't.

I was scared to death that I wouldn't lose all the weight from the pregnancy. Eventually I did, but my body is now a different shape. It's taken me a while to accept it, but I think I finally have.

It terrifies me that I'll be raising a daughter in our culture. I think our society has become more tolerant of different body shapes than when I was younger, but there's still that pressure to be thin.

My 8-year-old niece, Katie, has recently been complaining that she's fat. And she is a tiny little girl. I really think this comes from her mother's struggle with weight; when she was still with my brother, she talked about how fat she was all the time. I am furious that my niece says she's fat. Really sick about it.

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That's her on the left. Yeah, she really has a problem with weight, right? Please.

So, all I can do is be a good example for Audrey. I want to focus on her being healthy and not the number on a scale. I want her to be active, not a couch potato. Which is one more reason I have to beat this fibro, so I can be active with her. I still exercise, but it's about tai chi now and not vigorous workouts. That's better than nothing, though.

I'm going to be extra careful about what I say regarding weight as Audrey grows up. I secretly hope, though, that she inherits my high metabolism. I don't want her to worry about her weight, and I don't want to see her struggle with it. I don't want her to feel inferior because of society's pressure to be thin.

So, from now on, when I'm feeling fat, I'll share those thoughts with David. I won't examine myself in the mirror in front of Audrey, pointing out my flaws. I hope that's enough for her to develop a healthy body image.

I'll do whatever it takes.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Day 13 of blog challenge

Favorite photo of myself:

Obviously, I can't choose just one. So I'll go with a Before Audrey shot and an After Audrey shot.

Here is just one of the many photos I love from our wedding day. David had obviously already ditched his tux jacket (it was soooo hot).

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I liked that our photographer took some "fun" shots instead of everything being so stuffy and boring.

And here's one after we got home from the hospital with Audrey.

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You can't see her face very well, but I think that David and I are positively glowing.

I'm surprised I was able to narrow it down to two. When I was looking for these pics, I came across all the ones of Audrey as a newborn. David and I looked at them, alternately getting teary-eyed and laughing. Such treasured memories.

Friday, August 5, 2011

30 day blog challenge...but not really

My friend Bri over at Life's Better the Milky Way (wonderful blog, by the way), is participating in a 30-day blog challenge. Well, I've been on vacation and in the middle of other things, but I think I'll start today. Just a little...ahem...late.

Day 12...I really need to get rid of:

the knee-highs and pantyhose I used to wear to work. I think this says a lot about my age, but oh well. When I was teaching, I wore them all the time. But now, I have no need for them. They're just hanging in a bag in my closet, taking up space. Hopefully, I won't be needing them anytime soon, since I love my day job that doesn't require certain clothes:)

But I wonder if I should keep them? Do people even wear them anymore? I mean, obviously not in the summer, unless it's required or it's very cold at your place of work. Who knows? My sense of fashion is somewhat quite limited.

Unless I hear a compelling argument, say goodbye, knee-highs! And, oh pantyhose, I hope I never have to wear you again, you evil garment of torture.

I'm back!

Oh blog, how I've missed you! I've been itching to write, but life has gotten in the way. My health has been bad, very bad; thank God that David's been home to take up the slack with Audrey. My Google account also changed somehow, and I suddenly needed a new email account and password. David set all that up for me, but I never remembered to ask him for the user ID and password. Well, I did, but I always remembered when David wasn't here. Darn fibrofog!

We just got back from the beach, which was kind of a fail. We went with my family, and there was a lot of tension because of circumstances back at home, and my nieces fought so much they made me crazy. I actually cursed in front of them one day. Don't worry, I apologized profusely for it. But my word, they fight about EVERYTHING.

So we came home early. David has a lot to do here at home, working on his Masters class and getting his room ready at school. He has to go back on Tuesday (shudder).

We only went on the beach two days, but I guess that's more than some people get, so I'm trying not to be bitter. Audrey was usually the brightest part of everyone's day, so I'm thankful for that. Love that little girl.

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