I couldn't be a baby

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I HATE shopping. Unless I'm alone, or with Matt. Or shopping online.

On Sunday, Mom, Michael, Matt, Audrey, and I went to Toys R Us to get some ideas for Audrey's birthmas. That's what I call it, since she was born in December. It's much easier to say, trust me.

I'm not the biggest fan of shopping in the first place, mostly because of FMS. I have a lot of environmental sensitivities, and the smells from the new merchandise make me feel a little loopy. I get light-headed, easily confused, and to top it all of...EXTREMELY irritable. So, anyone want to go shopping with me?

I much prefer shopping online, which my mom does not understand. But how could she not? I can sit here on my comfortable reclining couch, peruse items at my leisure, and even read reviews from people who've bought the product.

In the store? Oh no. Mom is always two or three aisles in front of me, telling me to look at whatever new treasure she's found. And then, I have to trot over there and check it out. Does she stay with me to see what I'm looking at? Nope. And I move a lot slower than she does, so that compounds the problem.

On Sunday, it was so much worse. Because I had Mom calling out for me, and then I had Matt doing the same thing, usually at the same time. Utter chaos! I felt like I was teaching again, with five kids calling my name over and over again. Seriously, I began to hate the sound of my name:)

So, as often happens in these situation, I became "unplugged". I had to sit down, and I had to do it RIGHT THEN. And Toys R Us has nowhere to sit, and I mean nowhere. I've started to notice that a lot of stores don't, and I think it's so rude. I guess they don't want people hanging out, not buying anything, but some people have health problems and need a rest!

Mom was asking me, "Where are you going to sit? I don't see any place to sit!" And then I must have gotten a steely look in my eye, because she immediately backed off. I can't take all her questions, even though I know she's concerned, when I'm feeling this badly. I snapped at her and said, "I have to sit. NOW."

I felt bad about it later and apologized, but I have to pay attention to my body. If it says stop, I have to stop. If I don't, I will most certainly pay for it later.

So, getting back to the title of this post, Matt found a wheelchair cart for me. I hate having to use these, but I had no choice. It was either that or leave.

And now I know why there are so many babies screaming in stores. Because they're bored! You're at the mercy of whoever's pushing you, and you can't look at what you want. It's so frustrating. I understand that disabled people have to endure this every day, and it has to be beyond horrible.

Honestly, Audrey was handling it much better than I was. She just kicked back and propped a leg up on her stroller and chilled out. Not me. I was getting so annoyed; Matt was bumping into everything (not his fault, you know how they cram as much as they can in stores), and I couldn't see anything above eye level. Someone would call out, "Hey, look at this, Emily!" And I would say, " I can't."

So, I couldn't be a baby again. Not that it's even possible, but still. And I have a new appreciation for people who are in wheelchairs permanently. They're horribly uncomfortable, for one, and for another, you totally lose your independence, unless you can wheel yourself around. Or if you have one of those cool scooter things.

I'm thankful today that, even though I hurt every day, I'm not in a wheelchair. I feel as if I need to do something for people who are, advocate for them in some way. I was in their shoes for a short period of time, and I did not like it.