Monday, August 9, 2010

So much pain

I feel as if someone has taken a baseball bat to my lower back. And not just anyone, but a professional baseball player. Good grief.

My lower back always hurts. ALWAYS. It's just a question of how much it hurts from day to day. On Friday, my massage therapist worked on that area almost exclusively. I thought, I am going to have an awesome weekend! My niece was coming over to spend the night, and I was very excited. She's so good with Audrey. Here they are, Audrey and Elizabeth:

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Anyway, I was wrong about the weekend. I was in so much pain that, when Matt suggested we rent a movie, I knew there was NO WAY I'd be able to sit on the couch and watch it. So we all piled in the bed together, which worked. But you know it's bad when you can't even sit on a reclining couch without major pain.

I dragged myself to church yesterday, and we sat in the privacy room, since I'm not comfortable leaving Audrey in the nursery yet. We sat in the congregation last time, but she was Chatty McChatterstein yesterday, and that wasn't happening. It was absolutely frigid in that room; even Matt was cold, and he is the most hot-natured person I know. Audrey's usually warm, too, but her hands and feet were icy. Not to mention the fact that we couldn't hear a word that was being said...something wrong with the speaker in there. I swear, it was probably 55 degrees. So, we left. Another fail.

Today, we had to go to Wal Mart to get a few things, especially baby-proofing items. Audrey's not crawling yet, but I wanted to go ahead and get them, since Matt is going back to work on Thursday. Another fail. We were there for over an hour, and I felt like I was going to have to be carted out on a stretcher. MY BACK WAS KILLING ME.

I am so ticked off. I can't even do a simple trip to Wal Mart without nearly keeling over. So, so, so sick of this. I told Matt on the way home that sometimes I wish I was dead, just so I wouldn't have to experience the pain. I know that's awful, but when you live with pain each and every day, it gets to be too much at times.

Don't know what I'm going to do on Thursday without Matt's help. I couldn't be more discouraged about my health right now.


Lyla said...

Just noticed the quote under your blog title, "glass half empty; half full?". If you're an optimist you see the glass as half full; a pessimist would see the glass as half empty. Me? I see a glass, there's stuff in it (preferably liquid libation). That's it. I just see stuff. No more; no less. Does that make me a realist? Delusional? A delusional realist? "It is what it is.". While that may be true I always add (sometimes silently), "and that's all that there more; no less.".

FMS has to suck big time. Most people with typical back pain could go to a chiropractor, their MD to get a shot of some steroid or other, or take some Doan's (do they even make that stuff anymore?). So sorry. :-(

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