Parent abuse...from my own child

Dear Audrey,

Darling, I have done nothing but love you for the last 8 1/2 months. You have been my joy and my delight. I know you love me, too. See?



You know how much fun we have. I'm here 24/7, at your beck and call.

But lately, you've been abusing me. You pull my hair, hard, and it hurts, especially when I have a migraine. Whereas before, you used to stroke it gently and lovingly. Can we go back to those halcyon days?

Now, you reach for my boobs, grab my nipples, and twist as hard as you can. Is this some kind of retribution for not breast-feeding you? You know I couldn't, and you know my meds wouldn't allow it. You know I agonized over it, especially each and every time I read that "Breast is best". And every time somebody asked me the inappropriate question, "Do you plan to breast-feed?"  

::side note:: Yes, a man asked me this at one of my baby showers.

But, honey, I'm giving you good nutrition, despite it all, and remember when you had all that diarrhea? I searched high and low for a special kind of formula, otherwise known as The Holy Grail.

Please, baby, treat your mommy right. Otherwise, I'm going to have to cut my hair really short (which is not a good look for me, trust) and design some kind of nipple protector.

Hmmmm....maybe I'll do that anyway. The nipple protectors, I mean. I could call them "Nipple Shield" or something like that, and I'd make millions. Yay. Thanks for the great idea, Bug.

With all my love,
Mommy