Fun in the Sun

So I finally bought a water table for Audrey. I'd been wanting to get one for her for a while now, but I'm definitely the frugal type (a serious understatement). I argued back and forth with myself, thinking that she really didn't need it, that she had plenty of toys, yada yada.

But a couple of weeks ago, it started to get a little cooler. By which I mean, you didn't feel like you were smothering the moment you stepped out the door, anytime of the day, from the humidity. It was actually pleasant in the shade, only in the morning, though. We started spending more time outside after David went back to work. We've always gone around the yard, even when she was about 6 months old, looking at everything. I love being outside, and so does she.

I finally decided that it was worth it. After all, she can use it for a couple more months and definitely next year. And she loved it! She even played with it inside without water. I'm glad we got it, since it brings a smile to my little girl's face.

Day 30

Whew! I'm glad this blog challenge is over. I didn't even do the whole thing, and it wore me out. Here we go...

This is what I am changing TODAY to make my life better.

Since I'm feeling a little better, I've vowed to get out of the house with Audrey and attend Mom's Club events. I've only been able to do a couple of things, last year, so I'm really excited about it.

This morning, Audrey had her first Play Doh play date! She had a great time, even though it took her a little while to warm up. Lots of kids were there, probably 10-12, which is a lot for a person's house. Here she is, consumed with the Play Doh.



She was actually more interested in the molds than the actual Play Doh, but that's okay. She likes to take things out of a container one by one, and then put them back. So that's what she did!

The moms were all very nice, and I felt totally at ease. I'd only met one of them before, but I didn't realize it until I left; I just knew she looked familiar. I was determined not to be nervous and not to talk too much, which is what I tend to do when I'm nervous. I was successful!

Audrey behaved well, even when a little girl came and got her cup of Goldfish crackers and said, "Mine!" Later, I saw the little girl feeding her the crackers by hand. SO adorable.

Only stressful things: there was a deep step between the kitchen and den area, and she fell down near the end. She cried a little, but one of the other moms swooped her up before I could even get there. That was awesome.

Then, I didn't pick up on her tired cues because she was so busy playing. When I picked her up to go, she hit me in the face a couple of times. Lovely. Then, she refused to get in the Jeep. I finally persuaded her with the promise of a banana when we got home.

She fell asleep on the way home, and I put her down for a nap about an hour ago. I can still hear her stirring, though, so she may be too wound up to nap.

Overall, it was a huge success. I'm hurting, of course, but it's not too bad. I have a massage this afternoon, so I'm really grateful for that.

Day 29

Easiest time in my life

Oh, there are a few of those. College is definitely on the list. How could I possible live in one of the most beautiful cities ever and not feel like one of the luckiest people on earth? Charleston was absolutely amazing. See for yourself.



And that's just part of the campus, not even taking into account the beaches, the historic district, the Battery, etc., etc.

But I'm not choosing college; I think the easiest time of my life was right after Audrey was born. Obviously, I was very upset about my grandpa passing away the night before she came, but since I couldn't attend the funeral or anything (still in the hospital with an emergency C-section), it almost seemed like it didn't happen. So, I didn't really grieve until several weeks later.

But the days following Audrey's birth...there was something magical about them. We brought her home on December 8, my brother's birthday. Sometimes it's fairly warm here around that time, but that day, there was freezing rain. I was so scared we were going to have a wreck on the way home.

My family came over that night to celebrate Owen's birthday (it sounds crazy in retrospect), but everyone treated me like a fragile piece of glass. I had my new beautiful daughter, and my wonderful husband, and in addition to that, I had the support of my family. My mom stayed over for a few nights, since we didn't know what to do with the baby, having not received a manual at the hospital:) This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of them.



Our house was fully decorated for Christmas; it was a sensational experience. The sights, the smells, the magic of Christmas and a new life were in the air. David got to stay home with us for several weeks, thank goodness, which definitely made this the easiest part of my life. I was surrounded by friends and family, and I truly felt loved and treasured. I'll never forget the euphoric feeling that lasted for weeks on end.

A picture is truly worth a thousand words

This pic perfectly describes Audrey's attitude the past couple of days.



What else can I say?

Day 28

Toughest time in my life

The fall/winter of 2007 is definitely the dubious winner. David and I had just gotten married in June, so you would think all would be smooth sailing. However. I started feeling sick in the fall, and I was diagnosed for the first time that winter, by a doctor who didn't even do a physical exam. Don't get me started.

In November, I received some shocking news; my ex-husband had passed away of Legionaire's (sp?) Disease. Our divorce hadn't started out as amicable, but we'd come a long way and were on good terms. He was remarried, and he had a six-week-old baby boy when he passed. I couldn't accept it, and sometimes I still can't. It's so surreal. I spent almost 10 years with this man, and suddenly, he was gone. I took 2-3 days off from work (David did, too, bless him) and basically just cried and screamed at God. Jamie was finally happy, and then this happened.

Six weeks later, my father had another brain aneurysm, the complications of which would eventually kill him. We weren't on the best of terms at the time, but David urged me to go to the hospital (despite my health) and visit as much as possible. I will always be grateful to him for doing that. I found the "closure" that I needed. We both expressed our love for each other, and we had some talks that made me certain he was "right with God". Which gave me incredible peace.

The last time I saw him, I visited without David. We had a good visit, even though he wasn't very lucid at the time. The last thing I said to him was, "I'll see you in a week." We were going to Curacao for Christmas. As I left his room, I could hear him saying, "A week. See you in a week," over and over. As I've mentioned before, he passed away the day we left Curacao.

David knew about it, I think my mother-in-law knew, and I don't know who else. But I didn't know, as we made our trip home. I know it was the best decision, since I would have been inconsolable on the trip back, but still. I think about that day sometimes, how I was blissfully and ignorantly happy to be returning home to see my family.

When we got home, David gave me the news. He was also the one to tell me about Jamie's death, since my mom was too upset to do it. I remember screaming, "No, no no" and falling to my knees.

Worst time ever.

Day 27

If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you remain friends?

We probably wouldn't even get to know each other, to tell the truth. I'd tell the Other Heather to take a hike. I'm very, very hard on myself. Of course, I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be.

Before the fibro, I was ridiculous. Everything had to be absolutely perfect. And obviously, that attitude was not conducive to teaching. Nothing is EVER perfect, most especially in teaching. The most well-planned lesson can turn on you in the blink of an eye.

At home, I was OCD to the nth degree. If someone was coming over to the house, everything had to be cleaned. Nothing could be out of place, and if it was, I was extremely uncomfortable.

After fibro, I had to stop. I couldn't clean at all anymore, much less in the painstaking detail that I used to do. And in my worst times, David had to do everything from cleaning the entire house, to cooking, to doing my laundry...even choosing my outfits.

So comparatively, I'm a lot less hard on myself. But I'd still kick Other Heather to the curb:)

Day 26

I am the way I am because ______ happened.

It's awkward phrasing, but I have to say I am who I am because of God. I could say my parents' divorce, issues with my dad, various physical and mental problems...but God has certainly molded me by using these things.

I've been an on-and-off churchgoer since high school, mostly off. I've loved God, thanked him, screamed at him, and denied him. But he's always been here for me, supporting me and carrying me all the way.