Almost had to take down a nurse today

Matt had an appointment at the dermatologist today, so Audrey and I went along. He'd never been to this doctor before, but Dr. R., as we'll call him for our purposes, has been the only dermatologist I've ever had. It made me feel ancient to realize I hadn't been there in at least 8 years, but whatever...that's not my point.

I needed to change Audrey's diaper, so since there was nowhere in the bathroom to do it (the door practically hit the toilet when you walked in), I decided to change her on the examining table. I mean, it takes forever for the doctor to come in, as everyone knows.

Well, I had my back to the door when it opened, and it was a nurse coming in the room. Let's call her Nurse Ratchet, although she was more like the "nurse" in Misery. Anyone remember that movie? The one where a crazed fan rescues her favorite author when he wrecks his car in a snowstorm, nurses him back to health, and then cripples him to keep him around? Yeah, that one.

So, the first words out of Nurse Ratchet's mouth were "Oh. Stinky." I whipped my head around, like Whaaaat? What is she talking about? Because Audrey most definitely did not have a "stinky".

Since I'm a good Southern girl and my momma taught me manners, I said, "Oh, I'm sorry."

She said NOTHING. Seriously? The first thing people usually say when they see this beautiful little girl:



is usually something like, "Wow, what a beautiful smile!" or "She has such expressive eyes!" or something of that nature. I can always think of a compliment for a baby; it doesn't take a rocket scientist. They're all beautiful to me.

It's not like I expected a compliment; it's just something that happens frequently. Again, being as nice as possible, I asked where the trash can was. She said, "I'll bring you a bag." Real snippety-like. That burned me up.

When she left the room to get a bag for the offending object, I asked Matt what the heck she was talking about, that Audrey hadn't even pooped. He said that Audrey's urine has been strong-smelling lately, maybe because she's on an antibiotic.

But so what? I don't care. You can be nice about a situation instead of acting like you're the Queen of England and you just stepped in some dog $hit.

Not Nurse Ratchet, though. She came back in the room, holding a plastic bag so that her hands were entirely covered, like she was about to come into contact with some radioactive material. I swear, I wanted to take that diaper and shove. it. in. her. face. How dare she be so rude! What a freaking diva.

If I didn't love Dr. R. so much, I would be changing dermatologists so fast Nurse Ratchet's head would be spinning. But he is just awesome, the best.

So, ::sigh::, I guess I'll just have to put up with her. It's not like I go there very often, as previously mentioned. But who knows? Maybe I'll scope out her car and save a special diaper for Matt's next appointment. I bet it would look awesome with poop spread all over the hood.

Stinky, indeed.