This and that

I haven't posted in a while, not since Audrey had that health scare. I've been spending every second paying attention to her, since I'm so thankful that she's okay. I just keep thinking to myself, She could have had cancer, and we could be going to chemotherapy treatments right now. That certainly puts the little inconveniences and problems of the day in perspective.

We found Audrey's Easter dress at Target. It was such a great price, and it's even more beautiful in person. Now we have to find shoes, which I'm definitely not looking forward to.

In the past, we've gotten her one pair of shoes from Stride Rite each season that she basically wears every day. She also has a cheaper pair that she sometimes wears to church. Last spring, we found a beautiful pair of sandals at Stride Rite, and even though I cringed at the price, I knew they would last and go with everything. And they did.

It's different now, though. She's playing outside a lot more, and having just one pair of white sandals is not going to cut it. We don't know what to do. She has very sensitive little feet, but we can hardly buy two or three pairs of shoes at Stride Rite. We'll also need some that she can wear in the water at the beach and the pool this summer.

At least David's spring break is next week, so we'll be able to look around. I can't wait for him to be off!

By the way, I just had to share this picture of Audrey. Recently, she woke up from a nap with her shirt like this:



I have no idea how that happened.

Grateful (continued)

So, I left off where Audrey was supposed to go to the Children's Hospital to get blood taken, mainly to rule out autoimmune disorders. The night before we were supposed to take her, David gathered every thermometer in the house so we could check her temp. Her pedi advised that we take it orally, under her arm, and rectally (ugh).

Every thermometer we checked came up with similar numbers...in the 96 and 97 degree range. At that point, we were very confused and frustrated. Audrey had been through hell at the pedi's that day. They actually catheterized her to see if she had a UTI.

I decided enough was enough, and that one of us needed to go buy a new thermometer. We had already put new batteries in the temporal one, and it was registering the same high temps as before. So DH trekked out to CVS and bought another one. My reasoning was that the old ones, and who knows how old they really are, could be unreliable because of old batteries or what not. And I wanted results I could count on.

David came home with the new one, and we tried to take it orally. That didn't work out so well. Then we went for under the arm. And guess what? It was in the 96 and 97 range. I can't even describe the relief that swept over me at that moment, yet...the anger about the hell we'd all been through nearly overwhelmed me. David even commented that he'd like to take that temporal thermometer out to the shooting range.

This stupid thermometer is the reason my little girl was subjected to all kinds of unpleasantness at the pedi's office. As if she didn't already hate going there in the first place. And she was also very close to being subjected to all kinds of blood work at the Children's Hospital. We decided to postpone going there the next day, in light of her low temp, and just monitor the situation over the weekend.

I am going to call that company, and heads are gonna roll. I am PISSED. And so happy and grateful at the same time. It's a weird combo, believe me.

Oh, and did I mention that Audrey came down with a cold the day before this craziness, and that I was also diagnosed with a sinus infection at the same time? Oh yeah. This winter has truly sucked when it comes to being sick.

Ah...summertime

Okay, it's hot as Hades here, but I'm still pretty pumped. David's out of school for the summer. That means not only do we get to spend more time with him, but we'll also be able to get out of the house more.

And we're going to the beach soon, and it's going to be the bomb diggety (does anyone say that anymore?)

Our condo for the beach is right on the ocean....ahhhhh. I absolutely love the beach. Not a specific beach per se, but just in general. Or I should say, I love a beach where you can see for miles and miles and walk just as far, if you feel like it.



How could you not love the beach? Oh, I guess some people get annoyed with the sand and whatnot, but to me, it's the most peaceful place in the world. And how anyone can stand on a beach, dwarfed by the power and beauty of the ocean, and not believe that God exists is incomprehensible to me.

I have to admit, I chose my college partly based on its being close to the water. Granted, I fell in love with College of Charleston when I was in 8th grade, but the ocean certainly played a part in my decision.

I used to live on James Island, a full 5 minutes from Folly Beach. Folly is a classic surfer beach, populated with modest houses and year-round residents. It was wonderful to live so close to it. And looking back, I think fall, winter, and spring were really my favorite times there. For one, you don't really have to worry about sunscreen (and that's a biggie for me, since my skin is as white as the proverbial vampire's).

But it's not crowded then, except for the brave surfers who wade out into the cold. I can't tell you how many times I sat on the beach, huddled up in blankets, watching my then-boyfriend and his friends in their wetsuits, having the time of their lives.

I went there when I felt sad, when I felt happy, just anytime. I went there to study; my friends used to laugh and say there was probably sand in my textbooks. There probably was.

I've always felt that I was born in the wrong place, that I was meant to be near the water. I never intended on leaving Charleston, but sometimes life gets in the way. Sure, I could move there now, but being near my family is so important to me.

So I treasure these moments when I get to visit. It's not the same as living there, but hey, I'll take what I can get.

Chaos

I had an appointment with the chiropractor the other day, and when I got home, no one was there to greet me at the door. That usually means that things aren't going quite so smoothly.

The first thing I saw was Audrey, naked as a jaybird, her hair soaking wet, running around the house. Adorable, I thought. I love it when she does that.

Then I saw Matt, who was looking a little harried. It turns out that Audrey, who was only wearing a shirt and diaper when I put her down for a nap, had taken off her diaper and peed all over the place. Even all over her lovey (the horror). So, Matt was trying to get everything washed and dried, especially the lovey, before she went to sleep.She'd done this before, but it was a while ago, so I thought she'd outgrown it.

And as much as I felt bad for Matt, who'd had a rough day already, I couldn't help but smile inwardly. Because I'm so glad my life is like this now, so unpredictable and filled with moments like these. So thankful for our little family.

Thankful on Thursday

My health has been a struggle lately, so I will count my blessings today. Here we go:

1. My adorable little girl, one of the reasons I motivate myself to get out of bed every day, despite the debilitating pain,



2. My awesome husband, who recently wrote to FMS specialists all over the country to ask for their help with my situation,

3. My massage therapist, Thea, who is actually coming to my house to give me a massage today. Matt can't take me, and I can't handle the hour of driving it would entail to get to her office. When Matt told her about it, she offered to come here. Did I mention she lives in another state and had to juggle her day around me? Amazing...

4. My MIL, who regularly offers to come help with Audrey when she knows Matt will be late,

5. My mom, who asks me each and every day how I am...and she actually cares about the answer,

6. That I finished writing a paper for my class that's due this week, even though it involved a lot of staring at the computer screen and took HOURS longer than it should have, and

7. That I could write this post today, since I haven't been able to blog for so long. And I miss it.

Never missing a beat

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I had lunch with an old girlfriend on Friday. When I think about how long I've known her, it makes me feel ancient. Let's see; we met in 6th grade when we were 11, so that makes...wow. 27 years. That just seems unbelievable. That, my friends, is absolutely nuts. Because Matt is only 29. Okay, I must stop thinking about that before I have a breakdown.

I hadn't seen her in over 2 years, even though we live maybe 40 minutes apart. There are a lot of excuses we could give for that; she has three very active boys, two of which are in middle school. How can I have grown up with someone who has kids in middle school? One of them is playing football, for goodness' sake.

Plus, we have my health to consider, the fact that it's so hard to make plans when I never know how I'll feel on any given day. In fact, the last time we were supposed to meet for lunch, I had to cancel because I just wasn't feeling well. I had a good reason, though...I went into labor that night. I still think it was a stellar excuse.

She'd never even been to my house before, so she got lost on the way over. But I can't even describe how much fun we had. I have very few friends like her. You know, the ones that you could go months (or years) without talking to, and then, it's like you've been in contact every day. You never miss a beat. There's no awkwardness, or long silences. Just wonderful, deep conversation that can turn light-hearted in an instant. And then we're giggling like we did back in high school.

When I first met her, I didn't like her. But in high school, she became my best friend and, later, my college roommate. In other words, she knows where all the bodies are buried. We know things about each other that would, if known to anyone else, make them wonder if they ever knew us.

How great to have friends like that. How wonderful when you have make the time to see each other. I felt so great when she left, like that feeling you get when you leave the salon with a fabulous new cut and color, like you can take on the world single-handedly.

We pledged to do better about seeing each other, and I am determined to do so. There are few things more valuable than a true friend, someone you could call in the middle of the night if you needed her, and she would be right by your side. It's a precious thing, one you should never take for granted. And my fervent prayer is that Audrey will have friends like that one day.

I couldn't be a baby

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I HATE shopping. Unless I'm alone, or with Matt. Or shopping online.

On Sunday, Mom, Michael, Matt, Audrey, and I went to Toys R Us to get some ideas for Audrey's birthmas. That's what I call it, since she was born in December. It's much easier to say, trust me.

I'm not the biggest fan of shopping in the first place, mostly because of FMS. I have a lot of environmental sensitivities, and the smells from the new merchandise make me feel a little loopy. I get light-headed, easily confused, and to top it all of...EXTREMELY irritable. So, anyone want to go shopping with me?

I much prefer shopping online, which my mom does not understand. But how could she not? I can sit here on my comfortable reclining couch, peruse items at my leisure, and even read reviews from people who've bought the product.

In the store? Oh no. Mom is always two or three aisles in front of me, telling me to look at whatever new treasure she's found. And then, I have to trot over there and check it out. Does she stay with me to see what I'm looking at? Nope. And I move a lot slower than she does, so that compounds the problem.

On Sunday, it was so much worse. Because I had Mom calling out for me, and then I had Matt doing the same thing, usually at the same time. Utter chaos! I felt like I was teaching again, with five kids calling my name over and over again. Seriously, I began to hate the sound of my name:)

So, as often happens in these situation, I became "unplugged". I had to sit down, and I had to do it RIGHT THEN. And Toys R Us has nowhere to sit, and I mean nowhere. I've started to notice that a lot of stores don't, and I think it's so rude. I guess they don't want people hanging out, not buying anything, but some people have health problems and need a rest!

Mom was asking me, "Where are you going to sit? I don't see any place to sit!" And then I must have gotten a steely look in my eye, because she immediately backed off. I can't take all her questions, even though I know she's concerned, when I'm feeling this badly. I snapped at her and said, "I have to sit. NOW."

I felt bad about it later and apologized, but I have to pay attention to my body. If it says stop, I have to stop. If I don't, I will most certainly pay for it later.

So, getting back to the title of this post, Matt found a wheelchair cart for me. I hate having to use these, but I had no choice. It was either that or leave.

And now I know why there are so many babies screaming in stores. Because they're bored! You're at the mercy of whoever's pushing you, and you can't look at what you want. It's so frustrating. I understand that disabled people have to endure this every day, and it has to be beyond horrible.

Honestly, Audrey was handling it much better than I was. She just kicked back and propped a leg up on her stroller and chilled out. Not me. I was getting so annoyed; Matt was bumping into everything (not his fault, you know how they cram as much as they can in stores), and I couldn't see anything above eye level. Someone would call out, "Hey, look at this, Emily!" And I would say, " I can't."

So, I couldn't be a baby again. Not that it's even possible, but still. And I have a new appreciation for people who are in wheelchairs permanently. They're horribly uncomfortable, for one, and for another, you totally lose your independence, unless you can wheel yourself around. Or if you have one of those cool scooter things.

I'm thankful today that, even though I hurt every day, I'm not in a wheelchair. I feel as if I need to do something for people who are, advocate for them in some way. I was in their shoes for a short period of time, and I did not like it.

Merry Maids update

In my previous post, I wrote about my disappointment with MM this week. To update, the two ladies who came out on Tuesday rocked. my. socks. off. They were so apologetic for the previous cleaning (these were different ladies), and they admitted that not all cleaning teams were the same. Of course, I already knew that.

When I was telling my mom about this, she said, "Why don't they let those people go, then?" I hadn't even thought of that, but seriously. There are so many people out there looking for jobs, why keep people who don't perform well?

Anyway, I can't even tell you how pleased I was with Tuesday's cleaning. They dusted everything, and I think they even washed our kitchen floor on their hands and knees (that's how this particular team does it). I think the first team we had just spit on the floor and wiped it up with their shoes.

Instead of the smell of disappointment, I smelled cinnamon. Ahhhh...delicious. They added all these personal touches, like folding in the sides of our toilet paper and putting little stickers on there (a fish and a duck). They also set up Audrey's green heart bear in her crib, like the lovey was just waiting for her to come back.


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Awesome! Now these ladies are on our rotation, and I could not be happier. I mean, if they could get three-year-old cheese from countless pizzas out of the stove, they have superpowers. Don't judge me.

Cinnamon smells so much better than disappointment.

Thankful

I can never remember to do "Thankful on Thursdays" posts, which has a great ring to it, you have to admit. I'm really, really going to try to remember this Thursday, but I need to do it today as well. Why? Well, because my SIL has officially crossed the line. She has allowed my nieces to be in danger, which I'll explain later when my anger has subsided somewhat.

Suffice it to say, my 7 and 9-year-old nieces now know about sex and rape. No, they weren't hurt, thank God. But their innocence and sense of safety has been lost, gone forever. So on this Sunday morning, I need to remember the things that are good in my life and not focus on what's happened. So here goes. I'm thankful for:

1. Audrey, my beautiful baby who I pray will not lose her innocence for a long, loooooong time.



2. Matt. When I've been "unplugged" due to FMS, he takes care of my every need. Without complaint, without resentment.



3. my parents, who've taken my brother into their home while he recovers. And my nieces, every other weekend (at least, usually more), even though they both work full-time.

4. good friends. I had lost touch with a couple of great people, and we're now planning to get our families together for lunch next weekend. It will be a blast!

5. my new book, which arrived in the mail yesterday:


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It's about FMS, and I can't wait to read it. Yes, I know it has a cheesy title, but who cares if it helps?

Have a blessed Sunday.

Everyone tells you, but still...

So this morning, I got out Audrey's baby book so I could write down a couple of things. Like yesterday, we gave her a sippy cup for the first time (empty) so she could play with it. I read somewhere that's what you should do (I'm a research junkie, by the way). Within a minute of giving her the cup, she put it to her mouth correctly and started to suck. I was blown away by this. Maybe it's normal for babies to do this, but so quickly? Wow, I was just in awe.

Then yesterday, Matt and I took her to Wal Mart. Before we left, I happened to spy the shopping cart cover we got at a shower in her closet. We took it along with us.

::side note:: Matt dropped me off at the door because my FMS has been kicking my butt, so I took the cover in and tried to install it in the cart myself. BIG FAT FAIL!!!

After Matt brought Audrey in and installed the cover correctly (not that I resent him being able to do it the first time he tried, no way), we started rolling her around the store. I wasn't sure how she'd do, because up until now, she's been in the infant carrier or Peg when we go shopping.

But she was a pro. She sat up the whole time, no crying or anything. She even tried to eat my shopping list. And I had used one of those pens that smears when it gets wet, so now it's slightly blurry. Sigh.  But let me tell you, if you don't have one of those shopping cart covers, get one. I think I'll be buying it for baby shower gifts from now on. They rock. The padding is awesome, and it covers the whole seat, so that even germaphobes like me can rest easy.

Oh yeah, and Audrey started to scoot last night. Matt put her at one end of the crib while he was trying to get her to sleep, and she scooted all the way to the other end. Incredible.

My point is, she is doing so many new things each day that I can hardly keep up with it in her baby book. Now I fully understand why second/third/fourth childrens' baby books are usually blank. I know my brother's is. If you're caring for two or more children, you don't have the time to do it, first of all. Secondly, they do something new practically every day, and it's really hard to keep up.

So yeah, I'm not gonna tell you to cherish every moment with your LO (little one) because they grow up so fast, and I hope that I'll never utter those words to a new mom, ever. I've gotten so sick of hearing it.

But they do. And what a fantastic blessing it is to be able to witness it each and every day.

Thankful on Tuesday

I'm feeling very thankful today, so I thought I'd do a "Thankful on Tuesday" post. I know lots of bloggers do "Thankful on Thursday", but I may not get to post this Thursday, so here goes.

I'm thankful that:
1) I've finally found a medical professional who seems to be helping with my fibromyalgia.
2) My ILs (in-laws) are paying for part of my treatment and also my re-certification classes for teaching (grad classes are so freaking expensive).
3) Matt and I have grown closer over the past few days and hopefully it will continue.
4) Audrey has behaved so well in the past few days.
5) Audrey slept until 9:00 this morning!!!



This pic isn't from today, but isn't it adorable? Yes, I'm a diva and wear a sleep mask. Not really, but my eyes are extremely sensitive to light. And PLEASE don't leave me nasty comments about bed-sharing because you don't know the circumstances, k? Thanks.

Anyway, I guess I can mention that we're leaving for the beach tomorrow. I can't wait!! It will be Audrey's first trip. And if any psychos are reading this, know where I live, and think you're going to break in...I wouldn't. My brother is house-sitting and is a self-professed redneck, and he won't hesitate to shoot you. You have been forewarned.

I may get to blog on vacation, maybe not, we'll see. If not, have a great week, everyone!